I climb!

​Sometimes, no wait, I’m very grateful all the time, that I have amazing people in my life, that I can truly call friends, without them. I would be basically nobody but some creepier trying to make videos and take shoots of them!

Backward and Forwards

​Sometime, I think my life is going good and then things turns out not as, I though they would be. I feel like, everything always goes backwards instead of going forward for good.

Goosebumps

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I’m not one to show affection at all. To me that notion makes me kind of ill to my stomach, even the look at the mere mortals, looking in each the eyes, oohing and aahing at on other, while holding hands or body parts, makes me wish there was a vomit bag where ever you go. However, lately showing some kind of affection towards anyone, even that one person, who’ve I’ve been hanging out with from time to time. Don’t make me reach down and gag with disgust. Maybe it the growth in my, that makes it easy to show how much, I care for said person, or maybe it’s something in me that I’ve always had. I’ve just never had the chance to show or display it until now.

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Femme Forever!

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My mom was always the mother and father figure when I was growing up. Sure, the man who calls himself my father was there also from time to time. Well, when he wasn’t on one of, he’s drunken sprees, with one of many thots; he liked to pick up on the way to the bars. However, I never saw him much and if I did, it was never a pretty picture for my mother, sister or me (Nor my face or limps). So, what does a woman do when she has a piece of shit for a husband, who takes all of her money and leaves her with two assholes for kids? Well, just like any strong woman would do, you pick yourself up and go on with your life, like it or not. Sure, we had some very hard times along the way. However, I don’t regret not having a father figure there because that what my mom was. Even if I hated it from time to time, I appreciate it now more than ever because without her or anything single mother out there to teacher you, that whatever roles they may play in your life. You should always respect them for basically giving up the role, that society brainwashes them to act upon, and take things into their own hands. There’s never a book or a blue print for when life gives you a shitty excuse for a husband, so it just best to make you own and see where it goes. Chances are those are the best kind of lesson you can give yourself and your kids.

A New Sound, New Beat!

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I really don’t know how to describe this feeling but whatever it is, I don’t want it to go away. I feel like a whole new person , so much so that I can’t recognized myself in the process of this happiness, that I have inside of my dark being. I don’t know how to go about this feeling, but I really don’t care. I just want to leave it the way it is and see where it takes me. I’m afraid if I’m too happy or content with these unexpected feelings, that it will go away and I’ll go back to my old self. Which I don’t wanna go back to! I mean, I’m still myself but will a better attitude about things, which is frighten to admit to myself and to people, who know me a certain way. However, at this point I don’t give a fuck, because I’ve been waiting so long for this and I’ll be damn if I just lose it now!

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Something’s Missing

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The last time, I remember having my family all together was a couple a months ago, and while I know we’ll all be together again soon. I feel there’s always something in the way of that happening. Even though, I know they are close by, it’s still not the same. I miss those loud afternoon of nothing were you know, that you had your whole family in one roof, which just felt right and safe. However, with all the shit that we’ve been through these past couple of month, I really don’t know when we will all be back together again. They are the missing pieces to my puzzle and without them; I’m just a bunch of pieces laid out on the table. Therefore, while I know this is just a small setback, this feeling of completion cannot come soon enough. However, until then, I will just have the memories of what was once happier time, and pray for happier times to come.