I sometimes, well all the time see things very differently than others. I guess I was born this way, where while others see the same shit, I see things in a different light. It’s not only that, I guess, it’s just my mind, eyes, brain and body. It’s as if my mind is the gatekeeper of all this weird and beautiful images and the only one that can see these pictures is I. This is probably why I love taking pictures, because it gives others a chance to see, what in my head. Well, not all that’s in there but just a glimpse of the world, that I share with whomever looks at this sad little blog.
The two-week dreamy dazed, that had me lying on a cloud, while imaging bullshit, that possible would never happen. Just slapped me cold on my face and told me to wake the fuck up and come back down from them clouds I called home for a nice minute. While, that possible of happiness might be nearby, I just thought I had it closer to me then my thoughts led me to believe. I had my drunken like goggles on and they fucked up my clear vision, that I became someone I never thought I could be. I don’t regret anything I said here or to my friends, I just regret, that my heart got to me so hard, that it messed up my brain and mind from telling me the truth. I can sit here and lie to you and myself saying, “Oh well”, but I’m just too proud to say, “This wasn’t the one”!
Sometimes, I think I’m crazy for thinking or acting the way I do. I know that I’m a very weird individual and I like that about myself. I’m a loner with a gigantic imagination and an even bigger mouth, that doesn’t seem to shout the fuck up. I’m not the tea that you prefer to drink and that’s alright with me, because I’m more for those who wanna try something new and exciting. Once you drink me, you’ll come in to my world and you’ll never want to leave. However, until the rest of the basic lambs in the field catches up to my fairly odd self. I’ll just enjoy doing my own thing like usual and watch as the others follow the herd.
Despite my circumstances, there’s nothing more I like more, then having a day with my favorite model/friend Natalie! She gives me hope that, I’m bigger than my problems give me credit for! I had the best day and I totally forgot my bullshit hard knocks, and reminded me, that should just continue with what I like. There should be more friends like here and I’m glad she’s one of them!
Late I’ve been in a pursuit of something, what that is, I don’t really know anymore. I’ve been making the climb to something, that lately been making me confused of what I really want. I mean, I’m a grow ass man, who should know at my age what the fuck I want. However, I don’t know that ,when I get on top of that long and bumpy hill that I’ll even be satisfied with what I got. I mean, I’ve never really been really fulfilled with what I have or got. I usually get really bored, tried to move on or just stay in that mundane place, and just make the best out of it, until my body bleeds of boredom. I’ll probably be fine once I get there, but right now I’m not and it’s not all right. It’s just tedious and I’m not a big fan of stale living, but I guess that how I’m rolling these days.
I sometimes think If I applied myself more into the person, I wanted to be, then I would’ve been said person a long time ago. However, things are not so easy when you’re running this obstacle course, where we go around in the same circles repeatedly, but somehow despite being tired, thirsty and just plain stupid for allowing yourself to go through all this day after day. At the end of the day, you’ll still be doing same thing and not because you want to, it’s because you have to, “living the life that you can’t leave behind”, if you know what I mean?. While, I couldn’t stay for another round of torture, I do kind of regret that I didn’t run off the other way instead. By the other way, I’m saying that I should have stuck to my gusts and did what I wanted to do. Instead, of doing something conventional, familiar and somewhat vanilla (Depending on the situation that is!). Everyday my confusion grow as into why I didn’t follow my path, but I guess after you sit down and realize that, that confusion was more of black out. You start to put the puzzle pieces together and figure of that, I guess it was just meant to be…or maybe not just yet!