I climb!

​Sometimes, no wait, I’m very grateful all the time, that I have amazing people in my life, that I can truly call friends, without them. I would be basically nobody but some creepier trying to make videos and take shoots of them!

It Comes and Goes!

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My mind has been everywhere for the past couple of days, so much so, that I don’t even know what day it is today. My mind is a big puzzle and there are some pieces missing from it, but I really don’t care if I find those piece or not, to be honest with you. Things have come to a complete halt that I’ve forgotten to pay my bills, the tea that I’ve made myself a couple of days ago. Is still sitting on top of a bunch of unread magazines and the tea hasn’t been sip at all. I know I’ll get to all of that nonsense sooner or later, but I just don’t want to right now! I don’t know if I’m just tired, bored, or just don’t  want to deal with the mundane orders of  the everyday live, but it feels like a chore more than anything does. There’s nothing exciting going on right now, that would give me the will power to do all of this shit. I guess, I should just get over myself and this mood and get my ass up and do what I’m supposed to, or before my light gets cut off.

That Fuzzy Feeling

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I don’t know why I’m writing about this, but I need to get it out of my chest and then bury it deep inside, like my other feelings. Which I stored in a box behind the back for my mind, labeled don’t open or rehash. Anyways, as I’ve mentioned before I had a birthday, these past couple of weeks ago. So in honor of my 30 something year on this earth, my friend took me out to a bar/lounge, to celebrate another year of not achieving basically anything in my life. So long story short, while I was outside have a cancer stick break. I realized that I didn’t have my lighter with me, which was just a travesty on my part. So, I could have either gone back inside without having a few puffs of my delicious bad habit or I can’t just ask the other smokers for a lighter and before I could even open my mouth. Someone, no! not just anyone, a guy who in my book is the definition of what I look for in a man, walked towards me and lit my Marlboro light and the inside of my pants (If you know what I mean). I smile, thanked him and we began to have a small flirtations convo about nothing, but it didn’t matter. It was the best sweet nothings, I’ve had in a very long time, but before I could continue, batting my eyes and flashing my smile a bit more. He’s fag hag interrupted us, which meant that was he’s queue to go. We shook hands which rather made my body quiver with warm feelings and that was it. He was gone and I just went back inside. Story of my life!

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I’m the only thing, that should be on my mind!

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Not trying to be an unemotional asshole all of the sudden, but I’m getting tired of  trying to being nice to others anymore. I wasn’t always like this. It use to be all about me 24/7 and everything/everyone around me was just a blurry in the corner of my uncaring eye. However, for the past couple of months after my completely dramatic ordeal, this last summer. I thought my karma was shot to death and the only way to rectify the situation, was to become someone I really wasn’t in nature. A somewhat, good and caring person to others, beside my family, but to be honest I really do a half ass job, with handing out the sweetness even towards them. Nevertheless, I’ve come to realized that all that loving, caring and sharing motions is just a bunch of bullshit and there’s no such thing in the importance of being nice. Because why be pleasant and agreeable to others, when they’re just going to be same bunch of assholes towards you! I’m done with the “sweet” character I’ve created to for others to like. I’m just going to do me and fuck everyone else! It’s not worth the headaches and pain in my face from all the fake smiling. My facial expression aren’t built for that and neither are the delightful feelings, I’ve never had to begin with!

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I’m Such an Unholy Mess of A Girl

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I don’t know about you but I’ve never been interested in the basic girls. You know that ones who think that the world is made out of puppies, ice cream and ponies. No! that’s not my kind of chick-fil-A. I was always intrigued by that shattered inside, but strong “Don’t fuck with me” kind of woman. Most of my friends are like that or they’re just a big old ball of disarray, which makes my pants, pitch a tent! I never had a girlfriends who were put together and make out of shiny manufactured plastic. I love my women with flawless, corks and everything in between. Probably because I’m a big old hot pocket mess myself, that I need someone to be on my level or higher. Nobody is perfect and trying to be what people envision you to be is just basic and tried. So what if you’re not little Miss Cupcake, nobody excepts you to be. So why try now? Let your true fucked up colors show. That’s the most dangerous/amazing thing to me!

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Bored and Blurry

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Please ignore the mess in my room. I took these pictures back in December, before I moved in all my stuff, and after I decided to throw everything away and buy new shit. However, I enjoy my room messy, clean or in-between. Nowadays, I really hate going out to clubs or any of that other bullshit, which is associated with being young and single. When I was 13 and irresponsible, I use to do all of that and more. I’m not about to rehash my youth again. I’m too old for that sort of thing these days. Sure, it might be still good for you, but I’m not you and kumbaya for your best efforts. Still trying to put yourself out there takes balls, but unfortunately my balls likes to stay in bed with me.
I’m not saying that I’m some sort of hermit, who would rather stay in his room, then to be socially active. However, I think it’s more fun to get dressed in the comfort of your own space. Looking for things to wear and putting them together, only to realize that you’ll probably have a better time. Getting dressed then going out to some boring been there done that, sort of place. Where you’ll see, the same not ready to grow up players. Waiting for something good to happen. Which in reality might not happen that night or any other night? So why not slip off those uncomfortable shoes and just relaxes in the comfort of your own area. Save the hassle and embarrassment for some other pitiful person.

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