Inside my head, I have a world where I usually live in when I’m not living in the hell that is reality. I usually, get carried away in there and most of the time, I just get stuck there for hours, without realizing it. Maybe, I do realize this motion because, if I were slapped back into the real world, I would do anything to go back to that world in my head. Sure, not everything on top of there is all wonder-like and fun! Sometimes, it takes me into dark places or places were I’m not sure what to think anymore. Which sometimes fuck with my real universe and when the two worlds collide, it’s not a fun place to be in. Anytime, that happens, I try to find another shelter or world to move into, but there’s no place to hide really. So, I just have to face the two worlds head on, like an iceberg feeling of cold water, hitting me back into the world, I’ve come to enjoy and hate, and at the same time sending the land in my head back where it came from; to its rightful place!
To say these were the worst couple of days would be an understatement. These days has kicked my ass, broke my heart and made me wonder what’s the truth and what’s not anymore. I don’t want to get into detail because those details are still on my emotional table, waiting for all the piece of the puzzle to be put together. However, as I gather the evidence that had been slap in my face, making me wake up to face reality. It’s scary to know that when I start to glue all these pieces together, I’m not going to like what I see or hear. I would like to sit here and say I didn’t know this was coming, however I knew it was heading from a mile away. In addition, while I knew all the facts, I still continued to go with the flow and maybe, perhaps think that things would get better and just resolve itself. Stupid me for thinking that that would ever happened, stupid me for thinking that things would actually change and everything would land in my corner, with a nice bow wrapped around it. My reality was muted for a while and in its place was an imaginary world, where things would be amazing and perfect, but nothing is like that and it never will be. Therefore, it’s back to the harsh reality of things and all I can do now is just face whatever comes my way and hope for the best. However, I know that whatever the outcomes is, I’ll be the one with the bleeding scares and there’s not a big enough band aid to close it up!
Have you ever had a person who came into your life and left an imprint so hard, that even after they’ve gone away, there’s no erasing them from that special place. No matter how hard you try to scrub, bleach and burn them from your memories, there’s still no easy way to eliminate said person. They’ve black sharpie traces of themselves up and down the most block and restricted areas of your being, that all you can do is except the fact, that they’ve left a mark on you for better or worse. Not even one of those machine that they used in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, will rub out the effects, which a person can leave in your mind and for lack of a better word your heart. Maybe, some people are meant to shake up your world for a bit, but they’re not meant to stay and build a nice little nest for long. They’re just there for the time being, until it time to pack up and go on there way to the next person or place. However, it’s always nice to remember what once was, when they were with you for just that tiny bit of time, which turn your world upside down.
Whomever reads this small pee-pee of a blog, I would like sort, not really apologize for not being around here that much, like a deadbeat dad or whatnot but to be honest with you! I’ve just didn’t have anything interesting or semi-exciting to write about! These past couple of weeks have been scary boring. Sure, I’ve had a birthday a couple a weeks ago; I started painting again after putting that on hold for a minute. However, other than that there’s nothing to report. This in hindsight scares the shit of me! Days like these are never good, because you never know what’s around the corner. Could be good, could be bad or it could just attack you without any notice. Whatever, that case maybe at least it won’t get repetitive for long, in addition, I’m not one of those people who just blog just to blog! Sorry that not my shtick! Not sorry, if I don’t blog three times a day for the attention, that’s not me and this “blog” is not about that life! Therefore, you can be either patient or move on to next homie, that’s life!
I don’t know about you but I’ve never been interested in the basic girls. You know that ones who think that the world is made out of puppies, ice cream and ponies. No! that’s not my kind of chick-fil-A. I was always intrigued by that shattered inside, but strong “Don’t fuck with me” kind of woman. Most of my friends are like that or they’re just a big old ball of disarray, which makes my pants, pitch a tent! I never had a girlfriends who were put together and make out of shiny manufactured plastic. I love my women with flawless, corks and everything in between. Probably because I’m a big old hot pocket mess myself, that I need someone to be on my level or higher. Nobody is perfect and trying to be what people envision you to be is just basic and tried. So what if you’re not little Miss Cupcake, nobody excepts you to be. So why try now? Let your true fucked up colors show. That’s the most dangerous/amazing thing to me!