Backward and Forwards

​Sometime, I think my life is going good and then things turns out not as, I though they would be. I feel like, everything always goes backwards instead of going forward for good.

Lately I Have No Story To Be Told!

img_9555

I’m in a lonely rut, I feel like no matter what I do, no matter what I’ll have or accomplish. I’ll will not be content with my life at all. Maybe, I’m just getting the mighty mighty blues because of this cold weather, that we’ve been getting lately or maybe I’m being super dramatic like always. However, in the light of the cloudy day, I feel like there’s nothing more that I can do to make myself happy or even fulfilled with what I have. I wonder how can people fake being happy for so long, but I can’t fake it because I was never really happy to begin with.

I See You’re Eyes Look Through My Soul!

Processed with VSCO with e7 preset

I’m not a big fan of eye contact, it’s just to up close and personal for my taste. When I was younger, I couldn’t for the life of me look into anybody’s eyes, when saying hello or trying to have a conversation. Don’t even get me started on talking to a guy, that I would had a crush on! It’s already enough that I’m babbling nonsense and giggle like a little bitch, while trying not to make eye contact (My mom thought I might have Asperger’s syndrome for a while, I don’t btw). However, nowadays it isn’t so hard, because I just got over the horror I guess, or maybe I was just too shy for eye-to-eye intimacy. Nevertheless, I still have this fear that someone, who looks into my eyes will somehow see my soul and I’m not willing to give that up just yet. For now, my soul belongs to me and I only…well what’s left of it that it!

Processed with VSCO with e7 preset

True Mood!

Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

Lately my insides have been covered in a dark hue, combined with Lydia Deetz, Marc Jacobs Fall 2016 and Rodarte orgy-ed in together. There’s probably no real reason why my internal human cave is tinted in black or the feels or lack thereof has me feeling nothing. However, for some weird and maybe unhealthy reason it feels somewhat nice not to sense anything and just go about life, as if the lights are still on, but clear there’s nobody home at the moment!

Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset

Why Can’t I Touch It?

Processed with VSCO with q2 preset

I’m probably being a whiny bitch right now or maybe perhaps I’ve been one since forever and a day. However, I can’t help to be a hater for those, who have everything handed to them, while I’m here with my hand on my dick, bitching and moaning. About how I can’t have to world on the palm of my hands, now I’m not one of these spoiled brats whose sit on their thrones and does nothing but wait. I’m an inpatient kind of gal, who likes to take things by the balls and pulls hard until I get what I want or work hard for what I want. However, little by little it’s getting so damn restricting, that at every door I try to get into, there’s nothing but VIP lists or the same old shit, with no hope of change. I may not be a thumbs up, foam finger wearing individual, when it comes to cheering on the word change. However, how can anybody move forward with anything if you’re still stuck on your old and boring ways? I could sit here and write more about the fundamentals of bitching for what I desire, but I’m not about that life. I rather just get up and go get it for myself, with no tears or whimpering in site.

Processed with VSCO with q2 preset

They’ll Never Know You!

IMG_3333

I consider myself a unique individual with different layer, that would put a onion to shame. Every layer is distinctive then the other, one surprise after the other….there’s really one one like myself!

IMG_3336

IMG_3334

IMG_3330

IMG_3329

IMG_3328

IMG_3327

IMG_3324

IMG_3323

IMG_3322

IMG_3321

IMG_3316