It’s hard out there for a person, any person really to makes friends. For example, I’m not one to make friends very easily, because I don’t really trust anybody at all, but slowly, I’ll let my guard down and welcome them into my world. However, when that friend turns out to be the opposite of what you thought they were, then you end up looking like a fool and a failure. Failure because you let this person in your exclusive world and shared thing with them only to find out later, that they thought it was more than just a friendship, which to me is all I have ever thought it was going to be. I also feel like a damn fool for believe that someone you became close with, was actually a savage in sheep clothing. Maybe I blame myself for extending my friend beyond what; I thought it would be. However, how are you supposed to know when to have boundaries, with a person you’ve thought was a brother? I guess, I’ll never really know the cause of this crash and burn of a relationship, but now all I can go is let it be and see how it turns out, because that’s the only thing to do and you can’t over think it or it will eat you alive. Trust me when I say it will, because I am true testimony to what is it to over things to the point of no return. Then when you wake up and realized what you have done, the damage has be done and you can do nothing but just let it be. Give it sometime; give it some space, not just for that person but for yourself as well.
I’m not one to show affection at all. To me that notion makes me kind of ill to my stomach, even the look at the mere mortals, looking in each the eyes, oohing and aahing at on other, while holding hands or body parts, makes me wish there was a vomit bag where ever you go. However, lately showing some kind of affection towards anyone, even that one person, who’ve I’ve been hanging out with from time to time. Don’t make me reach down and gag with disgust. Maybe it the growth in my, that makes it easy to show how much, I care for said person, or maybe it’s something in me that I’ve always had. I’ve just never had the chance to show or display it until now.
While, some believe that people don’t really die alone, I have to call bullshit on that. Sure, you have your family and friends, who are there to mourn the lost of there loved one. Surrounding themselves around your canister, as they slowly dive you into the six feet under, where you will be forever, while you become the delicacy of many different insects and whatnot. However, that doesn’t mean that your loved ones will be coming with you! Well, maybe when it’s time for them to expire themselves, then yeah sure, but that might be long as fuck. I’m not trying to be morbid or dramatic about it, but all I’m saying is not matter how many people you have in your life. At the end of the day, you came into this world alone and you’ll leave it alone. So, cherish these people, memories and whatever it maybe, because those are the only things, that you will be taking with you. Which at the end of the day isn’t a bad thing, because it’s the memories and the love, that won’t make you feel so lonely where it is you end up!
Haven’t been around much, been to busy with deal with life and trying to get my shit in order. However, I’m still here and like I said before, I’m not going anywhere! Enjoy this video, as a hello again!
The two-week dreamy dazed, that had me lying on a cloud, while imaging bullshit, that possible would never happen. Just slapped me cold on my face and told me to wake the fuck up and come back down from them clouds I called home for a nice minute. While, that possible of happiness might be nearby, I just thought I had it closer to me then my thoughts led me to believe. I had my drunken like goggles on and they fucked up my clear vision, that I became someone I never thought I could be. I don’t regret anything I said here or to my friends, I just regret, that my heart got to me so hard, that it messed up my brain and mind from telling me the truth. I can sit here and lie to you and myself saying, “Oh well”, but I’m just too proud to say, “This wasn’t the one”!
Inside my head, I have a world where I usually live in when I’m not living in the hell that is reality. I usually, get carried away in there and most of the time, I just get stuck there for hours, without realizing it. Maybe, I do realize this motion because, if I were slapped back into the real world, I would do anything to go back to that world in my head. Sure, not everything on top of there is all wonder-like and fun! Sometimes, it takes me into dark places or places were I’m not sure what to think anymore. Which sometimes fuck with my real universe and when the two worlds collide, it’s not a fun place to be in. Anytime, that happens, I try to find another shelter or world to move into, but there’s no place to hide really. So, I just have to face the two worlds head on, like an iceberg feeling of cold water, hitting me back into the world, I’ve come to enjoy and hate, and at the same time sending the land in my head back where it came from; to its rightful place!