The last time, I remember having my family all together was a couple a months ago, and while I know we’ll all be together again soon. I feel there’s always something in the way of that happening. Even though, I know they are close by, it’s still not the same. I miss those loud afternoon of nothing were you know, that you had your whole family in one roof, which just felt right and safe. However, with all the shit that we’ve been through these past couple of month, I really don’t know when we will all be back together again. They are the missing pieces to my puzzle and without them; I’m just a bunch of pieces laid out on the table. Therefore, while I know this is just a small setback, this feeling of completion cannot come soon enough. However, until then, I will just have the memories of what was once happier time, and pray for happier times to come.
In my last post which seemed like years ago (Actually it was just a couple of weeks ago. Miss me yet? Didn’t think so!). I kind of bit the wiener to hard and set myself for the inevitable, which was just around the corner waiting for me like a mugger, who likes to take away the calm you’ve accumulated for yourself. Well guess what? I hit me all right, that fucker hit me hard and now I’m stuck in the same situation, I was last year! I don’t want to get into details, but it feels like a horrible Deja vu, which I want nothing more than to just wake up from it. Here, I thought I was doing so well with this thing called life; sure, I got bored and wanted something exciting to happen. However, I never asked for this too happened to me and to happen to the people around me as well. I wish I could have just shut my mouth and never said anything in the first place, but that not how life works. I know shit like this happens all the time, but not twice in a almost a row and not at the end of the year. I guess when horrible things happen to you, you don’t really have a time period or a schedule of when it will happen. If you did, then things would be just too easy and who would want that? Me!
From time to time, I sometimes reference my not so happy-go-lucky child hood here. I’m not saying I’ve had the worst childhood ever. That award goes to the kids from Diff’rent Strokes. However, it wasn’t always rainbows and ponies either. Its had its moments in the sun, but it slowly fainted into darkness and all I wanted to do is hide from it all. I don’t like to dwell on the past, but I can’t help it sometimes. I guess that what shapes us into the adults, which we’re trying to become or already are. The people and experiences, which have fucked you over in the past, always leave a lasting mark, which follows you into your future. While you try to shake it off, like a Taylor Swift song, that’s been stuck in your head forever. You unavoidably can’t do anything about it. I sometimes, just put those bad recollections in a boxes labeled “Don’t not open”. After that, I just place them somewhere far away from my mind. If only, there was a way to do that to my childhood. Just put away all the ugliness and just remember all the good things. But that hard to do when, the box is full of bad remembrances. Ready to burst out from each corner and there isn’t a durable tape to close it up tightly forever.