The two-week dreamy dazed, that had me lying on a cloud, while imaging bullshit, that possible would never happen. Just slapped me cold on my face and told me to wake the fuck up and come back down from them clouds I called home for a nice minute. While, that possible of happiness might be nearby, I just thought I had it closer to me then my thoughts led me to believe. I had my drunken like goggles on and they fucked up my clear vision, that I became someone I never thought I could be. I don’t regret anything I said here or to my friends, I just regret, that my heart got to me so hard, that it messed up my brain and mind from telling me the truth. I can sit here and lie to you and myself saying, “Oh well”, but I’m just too proud to say, “This wasn’t the one”!
Late I’ve been in a pursuit of something, what that is, I don’t really know anymore. I’ve been making the climb to something, that lately been making me confused of what I really want. I mean, I’m a grow ass man, who should know at my age what the fuck I want. However, I don’t know that ,when I get on top of that long and bumpy hill that I’ll even be satisfied with what I got. I mean, I’ve never really been really fulfilled with what I have or got. I usually get really bored, tried to move on or just stay in that mundane place, and just make the best out of it, until my body bleeds of boredom. I’ll probably be fine once I get there, but right now I’m not and it’s not all right. It’s just tedious and I’m not a big fan of stale living, but I guess that how I’m rolling these days.
If anybody noticed or not (I don’t really think people care at this point!), I haven’t been on here so much, because I’ve decided to head back to school and do something with my life. Therefore, as you can see, the whole getting my education and whatnot has been taking most of my time, which I’ve been enjoying…somewhat. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing this whole “blogging” thing and wasting my time doing what I do best. However, it’s time to get real and think of the bigger picture and start to face reality. Which for me isn’t that crystal light because I live in my own little world, where I rule and everyone else sucks my balls? However, when your teacher asked you to write her an essay about ourselves and why we wanted to go back to school again. I couldn’t write down, that I’m the king of my own world, while everyone else is enjoying my tasty testicle soup. I mean, in hindsight it would be funny to write that down, but I’m a classy adult who shouldn’t be saying such things like that (Well not at first!). Therefore, I pondered the question for a day or so because, to tell you the truth, I really have no clue, who I really am. I should know this by now, but I just can’t lie to teacher or I (Well not at first!). Maybe I’m a self-deprecating person, like Diane Keaton in most of the movies she’s made with Woody Allen. I mention this because I’ve been watching Diane Keaton/Woody Allen collabo movies none stops these past weeks. I can relate to her awkward amazing-ness, nervous tics, gestures, and ‘La-di-da, la-di-da, la la’! At the end of the day, while Diane has her shit together and probably know who she is, I still have some discovering to do. Even if it’s take me a couple more years of doing that, with a couple more Diane Keaton movies to boot!
I consider myself a unique individual with different layer, that would put a onion to shame. Every layer is distinctive then the other, one surprise after the other….there’s really one one like myself!
It hard to go forward when you seem to go back from time to time, it’s a sad habit that we humans have when starting something fresh, new and exciting. While the road looks empty and yours for the taking. Ready to start the drive to an alternative destination, which will navigate you to unanticipated wonders. There’s always these inklings in the back of your head, that you should turn the car back around and return to the same boulevard, you’ve always been familiar with. The safest way is always the easiest way to go, but what if looking or going back, is just keeping you from doing the unexpected. You would just regret it in the long run and then you’ll always wonder what could have been. What could have that unpredicted lane take me? I guess you’ll never know until you’ll take that leap and see for yourself.
My love for a certain man call Hedi Slimane goes forever and a day. When I heard the devastating news about, he’s departure from Saint Laurent, after just four short wondrous years at the helm of that legendary label. I thought my life would never be the same again. Sure, I could never afford anything he ever made for the label and sure he’s aesthetic wasn’t everyone’s cup of latte. However, he was never boring and he always had people either bitching or loving what he did. My favorite collection hands down was the Saint Laurent Fall 2014 Ready-To-Wear collection, it was hands down one of he’s best. I want to be that girl! From the mid-sixties silhouettes, the Edie Sedgwick attitude, down to the all that glittered Mary Janes, It was basically an expensive dream that I could never afford, but it was nice to be in Hedi world while it lasted.