I climb!

​Sometimes, no wait, I’m very grateful all the time, that I have amazing people in my life, that I can truly call friends, without them. I would be basically nobody but some creepier trying to make videos and take shoots of them!

I See Right Through You!

It’s hard out there for a person, any person really to makes friends. For example, I’m not one to make friends very easily, because I don’t really trust anybody at all, but slowly, I’ll let my guard down and welcome them into my world. However, when that friend turns out to be the opposite of what you thought they were, then you end up looking like a fool and a failure. Failure because you let this person in your exclusive world and shared thing with them only to find out later, that they thought it was more than just a friendship, which to me is all I have ever thought it was going to be. I also feel like a damn fool for believe that someone you became close with, was actually a savage in sheep clothing. Maybe I blame myself for extending my friend beyond what; I thought it would be. However, how are you supposed to know when to have boundaries, with a person you’ve thought was a brother? I guess, I’ll never really know the cause of this crash and burn of a relationship, but now all I can go is let it be and see how it turns out, because that’s the only thing to do and you can’t over think it or it will eat you alive. Trust me when I say it will, because I am true testimony to what is it to over things to the point of no return. Then when you wake up and realized what you have done, the damage has be done and you can do nothing but just let it be. Give it sometime; give it some space, not just for that person but for yourself as well.

Backward and Forwards

​Sometime, I think my life is going good and then things turns out not as, I though they would be. I feel like, everything always goes backwards instead of going forward for good.

Goosebumps

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I’m not one to show affection at all. To me that notion makes me kind of ill to my stomach, even the look at the mere mortals, looking in each the eyes, oohing and aahing at on other, while holding hands or body parts, makes me wish there was a vomit bag where ever you go. However, lately showing some kind of affection towards anyone, even that one person, who’ve I’ve been hanging out with from time to time. Don’t make me reach down and gag with disgust. Maybe it the growth in my, that makes it easy to show how much, I care for said person, or maybe it’s something in me that I’ve always had. I’ve just never had the chance to show or display it until now.

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I see both sides

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The two-week dreamy dazed, that had me lying on a cloud, while imaging bullshit, that possible would never happen. Just slapped me cold on my face and told me to wake the fuck up and come back down from them clouds I called home for a nice minute. While, that possible of happiness might be nearby, I just thought I had it closer to me then my thoughts led me to believe. I had my drunken like goggles on and they fucked up my clear vision, that I became someone I never thought I could be. I don’t regret anything I said here or to my friends, I just regret, that my heart got to me so hard, that it messed up my brain and mind from telling me the truth. I can sit here and lie to you and myself saying, “Oh well”, but I’m just too proud to say, “This wasn’t the one”!

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Something’s Missing

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The last time, I remember having my family all together was a couple a months ago, and while I know we’ll all be together again soon. I feel there’s always something in the way of that happening. Even though, I know they are close by, it’s still not the same. I miss those loud afternoon of nothing were you know, that you had your whole family in one roof, which just felt right and safe. However, with all the shit that we’ve been through these past couple of month, I really don’t know when we will all be back together again. They are the missing pieces to my puzzle and without them; I’m just a bunch of pieces laid out on the table. Therefore, while I know this is just a small setback, this feeling of completion cannot come soon enough. However, until then, I will just have the memories of what was once happier time, and pray for happier times to come.