These past couple of days has been a blur of, dazed busyness and the relentless feeling of ennui. Maybe it’s these upcoming holidays, which feels more like an endless chore. Full of Christmas list, parties’ dejour, waiting in line for what seems like hours, and trying to find the prefect present for someone. Who might not even give you one in return, after you spent all that time and money on them. However, my mood has been mostly concerned with what will happen next year. I never really looked forward for the year ahead. While others are excited with glee, about the possibilities that the New Year will bring them. I fear that my New Year’s outlook will be nothing but the same, nothing or worse.
While I’m probably having some paranoid android about these stomach cramping feels. I’m just not one to look forward to new things, which will benefit others in a better way, instead of benefiting me. It’s as if I have this huge mountain ahead of me and instead climbing up with steady and ease. I just can’t seem to get to the top and all I do is fall back to the bottom. I always thought I would at least get half way there, but I guess that not in the cards. Sure, I might be getting a little ahead of myself and I know I can’t predict the future, and I can’t dwell on the past, as I do so well. However, that mountain of mine is starting to look more and more difficult to climb. No matter the slow steps, I take to conquer it!